You Made Me Love You Page 18
Rachel gave her a knowing look. “Don’t you tell your students that they can never reach their potential if they don’t take risks?”
Frustrated, Liza pulled away, physically and mentally. She leaned back against the arm of the sofa. “It’s not the same.”
“Maybe not, but how long are you going to keep yourself hidden away from the world?”
“First, I lost my mother, then I lost Joshua. I haven’t got any more pieces to spare. I have to keep the rest intact.” Anger was starting to wash away her grief. “Damn. I almost ended up in the loony bin after Josh died. I can’t go through something like that again.”
Visibly frustrated, Rachel glared at her. “I think you’re selling yourself a little short. You’re a survivor. You’re not going to shrivel up and die if you suffer another blow to the heart.”
“How do you know?”
“And how do you know that pursuing a relationship with Eli Liontakis is going to knock the wind out of you? How do you know you’ll get hurt?”
Because, she thought silently, I could love him. I could so easily fall completely and irrevocably in love with him. And if I do, an inner voice warned, he’ll leave me—just like everyone else. “Eli is practically a national celebrity. He travels all over the world to give lectures about his research. He needs someone who can adequately share his life.” She gave Rachel a pointed look. “Someone who can uproot themselves, move to New York, and be a part of his career. I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”
“Liza—”
“I’m serious. Eli lives from project to project. Corporations hire him to find impossible answers to questions most people are afraid to ask. When he succeeds, he’s an instant celebrity, until the next major breakthrough comes along. When he fails—and if he’s doing his job right, he has to fail now and then—he doesn’t have a friend in the world. Right now, he’s based out of New York, but what’s next? Chicago, LA, Paris maybe. He’s like a gypsy—a brilliant, overeducated, incredibly talented gypsy. Nothing holds his attention for long. Once the problem is solved, it’s time to move on. He even says that about himself in all those interviews he’s been giving lately.”
“And you think,” Rachel said carefully, “that he’ll move on from you, too.”
Liza winced. She hadn’t meant to reveal quite that much. “He’s an incredibly sophisticated man, Rachel. Once he’s solved the riddle, he’ll be ready for a new challenge.”
“You don’t have a very high opinion of him, do you?”
Surprised, Liza insisted, “I have an extremely high opinion of him.”
“Then you’re the problem? You think you can’t hold his interest.”
“I know I can’t hold his interest. I want to live here, in Terrance, Georgia, population six thousand, and teach kids to dance. What’s he going to do? Teach chemistry lessons for the rest of his life? I don’t think so.”
Rachel shook her head. “Come on, Liza, tell yourself the truth at least. Liontakis can work anywhere he chooses. Hell, the Center for Disease Control is right down the road. Call me an optimist, but I’m pretty sure they’d hire a guy who’s about to win a Nobel Prize for finding a better and more effective way to treat cancer.”
“That’s not the point. Even if he were to relocate here permanently, he couldn’t stand the pace of my life. I like things nice and predictable. I like security and he doesn’t.”
“Don’t quote me on this, but I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that opposites attract.”
“Yeah, well, if you take a lesson from the world of chemistry, you can learn that opposites also destroy one another. When you mix polar properties, you end up with a big, giant mess.”
“Or an entirely new compound.” At Liza’s killing look, Rachel held up her hands in mock surrender. “I won’t press the point.”
“Thank you.”
“I will say, however, that according to Anna, faculty meetings are like watching the Fourth of July fireworks. Whatever’s going on between you, it’s pretty incendiary.”
“He’s—” Liza searched for a way to describe Eli, “here” she said carefully. “He’s extremely present. When he’s in a room, all the eyes are on him. He commands the audience better than most performers I know. Has the subtlety of a class five hurricane.”
“I’ve seen his interviews. He’s incredibly charismatic.”
“You could say that.”
Rachel’s lips pursed. “And because of what happened with Drew, you’re resisting all that charisma?”
Suddenly deeply weary, Liza leaned back against the sofa. “Drew couldn’t be there when I needed him. I’m not sure I can continue to hold that against him.”
“I do,” Rachel assured her.
“Thanks for that.” Liza gave her a weak smile. “I don’t know. He was as young as I was. It was hard. Probably the hardest thing a person can go through.”
“But you still don’t trust Liontakis.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust him. It’s just that I’m afraid of what he makes me feel.”
“You know what they say—a life lived in fear is a life half-lived.”
Liza frowned. “Who says that?”
“Anna.”
That made her laugh. “The font of all wisdom.”
“You got it. The woman’s scraped me out of my share of pinches. I’ve come to value every word she says.”
“Me too.”
“So why aren’t you listening to her this time? She thinks you should go with him to New York.”
“It’s not New York he’s asking for, you know. He wants a deeper commitment than we have right now.”
“I always find that such a turnoff in a guy”
“Very funny.”
“Liza—” Rachel folded her hands in her lap, “Don’t let terror beat you. It sucks to live that way.”
“Actually, you’ll be happy to know that I’m strongly considering giving in to him.”
“You’re kidding?”
“Don’t sound so shocked.” She gave Rachel a wry smile. “I’m still in my prime, you know.”
“So I’ve been telling you.”
“You should be pleased, then. I’m thinking of doing exactly what you’ve been telling me to do. I’m going to have a meaningless affair with a man I find very attractive.” Liza rolled her mug between her hands. “I’m going to enjoy the time we have together, I’m just not going to get emotionally attached.”
“Liza—”
“But that doesn’t mean I can’t explore, uh, other aspects of our attraction.”
“I don’t think—”
“I’ve thought it over.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Rachel drawled.
“And I’ve decided that I’m old enough, and sophisticated enough to find out just what will happen if I pursue a temporary relationship with Eli.”
“A fling?”
“Yes. A fling. No commitments. No entanglements. No expectations.”
Rachel’s eyes narrowed. “Liza, you aren’t the type to—”
“Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I shouldn’t be so concerned about what type of person I am.” She gave Rachel a harsh look. “I mean, is there anything wrong with admitting I have certain needs in my life?”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Rachel said cautiously.
“Aren’t you always telling me to take more risks—go out on a limb?”
“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?”
The question hit a nerve. “I don’t know,” Liza admitted.
“At the risk of sounding too maternal, may I make one suggestion?”
“Sure.”
“You aren’t the type of person to give less than all of yourself to something, Liza. You’re a total commitment type. When you give your heart away, it’s going to be forever.”
“I got over Drew all right. It was Joshua I couldn’t get over.”
“You weren’t in love with Drew.”
Liza’s eyebrows rose. Ra
chel shook her head and continued, “You weren’t. I shared a dorm room with you then, if you’ll remember. I didn’t know then. I wasn’t old enough to tell the difference, but I am now. There are some people, like me, who can give their heart away a thousand times and always manage to grow a new one. You’re not one of those people. If you really think you want to walk away from Liontakis, then you’re right. You’ll have to be very careful how much you dole out. It’s going to be kind of tough to take all the pieces back once he’s got them in his pocket.”
A shudder tripped up Liza’s spine. “There are times when I think I’ve lost my mind.”
Rachel’s look was pure sympathy. “It’s not a pleasant feeling, is it?”
“No. Sanity is much more comfortable.”
Nodding, Rachel leaned back against the sofa. “So here’s the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question: How are you going to handle being in New York with him?” Rachel prompted.
“I haven’t figured that out yet.” Liza glanced around the confines of her apartment. The room that had seemed so secure in past years now left her feeling oddly trapped. “I always visit Josh’s grave when I go there. It doesn’t exactly put me in the mood for making merry.”
“Or making love?”
“Or that,” she said with a wry smile. “And I have a fairly strong indication that Eli would expect that.”
“Maybe, and I’m going out on a limb here, you should consider just telling him about Josh.” She paused. “I’m guessing you haven’t.”
“The man has enough grief in his life. His ex-wife is dead. His daughter is one of the saddest children I’ve ever seen.”
“Sadder than you were at her age?”
“Maybe,” she said. She was having trouble breathing.
Rachel seemed to sense her struggle and gave her a sympathetic smile. “If anyone can help her, it’s you. I’ve seen you work miracles. And you’ll tell Eli about Josh?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Liza—”
Producing the remote from beneath a throw pillow, she tossed it to her friend. “I’ll think about it really hard.”
“I think you should.”
“So noted.”
Rachel frowned, then punched the button on the remote to activate the VCR. “Have you always been this stubborn?”
“For as long as you’ve known me.”
“Or longer.” Rachel’s expression turned serious. “If the chemistry between you and Liontakis is half as magic as Anna claims, I don’t want to see you throw it away. Okay?”
“Okay.” Liza reached for her coffee cup. “Do you want more coffee?” She sensed the concern in Rachel’s hesitation, but deliberately didn’t meet her friend’s gaze.
“Liza—”
“It’s okay, Rachel. Really.”
Rachel’s sigh of frustration was audible in the still room. “All right, but look. I’ll be back in New York all next week. I’ve got a couple of clients coming in from Canada, but I’ll find time for you if you need me.”
“Thanks.”
“Promise me you’ll call, and then I’ll shut up.”
“Fine. If I decide to go, I’ll call you while I’m there.”
Rachel searched her expression, then finally relented. “All right. You’re off the hook for the rest of the night.”
“Thank God.”
Rachel laughed. “Go get the coffee. I’ll start the movie. And when you get back, you can tell me how Amelia Pankhurst’s pursuit of Liontakis is faring.”
Eli looked at his daughter’s profile in the dim light of his bedroom. He was tossing clothes into his suitcase, and she was sitting on his bed, idly picking at a loose thread on the linen comforter. “You’re sure you’re okay with this?”
“Sure.” She didn’t meet his gaze.
“I’m only going to be gone for two days. I’m leaving tomorrow night, and coming back Sunday night.”
“I know.” No change.
He reached for his patience. “Honey, is something bothering you?”
“No, sir.”
“I thought you’d enjoy staying in the dorm with Beth. Would you rather stay with Mrs. Forian instead?”
“No, sir.” She was about to unravel a two-inch section of the bedspread.
Eli frowned. “Anna could come here. You and Beth could stay here with her for the weekend.”
“The dorm is fine.”
Frustrated, he dropped to the bed with enough force to nearly bounce her off. She looked at him in surprise. Her eyes had that fathomless look he was growing to dread. “Grace, if you don’t want me to go, I won’t.”
She didn’t say anything. He waited. The silence dragged between them. Eli searched his brain for something, anything, that might break her carefully maintained facade. Hell, even a tantrum would be preferable to this cold, extended silence. He dragged breath into his lungs and stared at her bent head. Patience, Liza had told him, patience and consistency. At the moment, neither Liza nor Grace seemed to be responding to his best efforts. It had taken something extreme—first the kiss in her rehearsal room, then the one in his apartment—to get Liza to admit she felt the attraction between them. What, he wondered, would it take to get Grace to admit why she couldn’t look him in the eye tonight?
He frowned as he pondered the problem, reaching into the crevices of his memory for something he might have missed. What was it Grace had told him the day she’d asked permission to stay in the dorm with Beth? Eli replayed the conversation in his head. Slowly, a picture formed. She’d never finished that sentence. She had started to explain something to him, something Mara had told her, he realized, that suggested that he didn’t particularly enjoy his daughter’s company. Tamping down his anger at his former wife, he concentrated on his daughter’s face. “Grace,” he said gently, “do you want to come with me?”
Her head shot up. “What?”
“Do you want to come to New York with me?”
“Could I?”
Eli nodded. “Of course. Absolutely. The only reason I didn’t ask you if you wanted to come is because I thought you might be bored there. I have to go to a lot of meetings. Martin and I will be gone a lot. I knew you were making some friends here, and thought you might prefer to spend the weekend with them, but if you want to come, I’d love having you with me.”
“You would?”
He wanted to strangle Mara, he realized. “Definitely. You’re very good company.” He leaned a little closer. “You’re much more interesting than my bosses from the lab, that’s for sure.”
A slight smile touched her lips. “Martin likes them.”
“He likes you better.”
That won a tiny laugh. “Do you have to meet with Mr. Everson?”
She knew the name of his attorney, he realized with a frown. Chances were, she’d picked that up from his in-laws. He made a mental note to rattle Doris Paschell’s cage until he found out just what the hell she’d been telling Grace. “Yes.”
“He’s a mean-looking man.”
Eli laughed. “Lawyers are supposed to look mean. It’s part of their job.”
Her expression turned thoughtful. “Is Liza going with you to New York?”
Sucking in a sharp breath, he resisted the urge to ask her just how she knew that. Evidently, Grace was paying keen interest to the details of his life. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “She hasn’t given me a firm answer yet.”
“If she goes, can I still go too?”
“Yes.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Actually, if you want, I can call and tell her that you and I decided to go together, and that maybe it would be better if she stayed here this weekend.”
Grace’s face registered a series of emotions. “I don’t know, Daddy. She might get mad if you did that.”
“No, she wouldn’t,” he assured her. “Liza would understand. I promise.”
Grace’s fingers, he noted, had fisted into the comforter. “Would you—” The question trailed off.
; “Would I what?”
She drew a fortifying breath. “Would you get mad if I went instead of Liza?”
“No.” Eli kept his voice deliberately calm. Damn, Mara, he thought. He’d suspected that Mara’s relationship with Paul whatever-his-name had left Grace feeling terribly insecure. “No, I wouldn’t,” he finally said. “If you wanted to go with me, I’d be very glad to have you—whether Liza went with us or not.”
Grace seemed to think that over. When she looked at him, her eyes had lost their hollow look. “I think,” she said slowly, “that I would like to stay here with Mrs. Forian and Beth this weekend.”
He absorbed the comment, feeling his way through what he sensed was a mine field of a conversation. “You would?”
“Yes. Did you know that the Ballet Magnificat is going to perform here on Saturday night?”
“I’d heard that.”
“I want to see them. Lindsay says they’re really, really good.”
Eli nodded. “If I didn’t have to go out of town, I’d like to see them, too.”
“If I stay here, Beth and I can go.”
“Yes. Mrs. Forian said she’d take you.”
“I want to do that, then.”
“Okay,” he assured her. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too.”
He levered off the bed and started filling his suitcase again. “Daddy,” she said. “Are you going to take that tie?” She pointed to the one in the suitcase.
“Yes,” he confirmed.
“I wouldn’t,” Grace said, her expression slightly pained.
He raised his eyebrows. “Why not?”
She paused for several seconds, then said, “It makes you look like a dork.”
Eli stared at her. It was such a normal comment, it had him reeling. “Do you think so?” he asked her.
“Yes,” she said, her voice more firm. “I do.”
He snatched the tie from the suitcase and tossed it to her. “I’ll take your word for it, then.”
Grace slung the tie around her neck with a slight smile. “Good.” She waited while he added a pair of folded jeans to the suitcase. “And, Daddy?”
“What, sweetie?”
“If Liza goes with you to New York, you should take her to Tapeka.”